My heart has officially had the most strain and pressure ever, upon it. I’m not sure where this is going, but one can only hope to the right thing, to the good thing.

I was living with Nick for a while there, but today I decided that after the lack of affection, the attention he used to give me, and the distance in his actions towards me…well, I decided to come stay at my dad’s for now. Shocker, isn’t it? My dad, the alcoholic. The drunk. And I turned to him, because my mother and stepdad are not a “safe haven” right now…

Anyhow…I spoke up, AFTER calling my dad, that I think it be best I stay here for a while. Nick immediately jumped up and cradled me in his arms as he explained that he was stressed about something, but can’t figure out what, and when he does, he’ll explain it to me. I asked him, that basically, I wanted to know he wanted this relationship. He said as of right now, as of how he’s feeling, yes. So, I told him that when he figures it out, we need to work it out.

I’m his companion, I’m here to help, but I can’t help if I don’t know the issue. The source of stress that makes him this way with me. He said, however, it’s not something coming from me at all. That I’m very good to him, and he knows it’s not coming from me.

He just needs to think.

So, I’ll let him think while my heart feels like it’s breaking.

Because I love him.

Abbie

Honestly? I am so sick of this.

I’m almost 21, and I do my stuff like I should. I keep to myself, like I should. Like the good little maggot I am. And what’s this? I get talked down to by him again for staying at Nick’s for the night? For coming home at 6 am, instead of sometime earlier? I’m sorry, wait, did you not hear me tell mom I wouldn’t be home ’til tomorrow…last night?!

Yes, it is nice to come and go as I please, yes, I am allowed to, and what’s up your ass that makes you think me, at the age of almost 21, should not be allowed any freedom or leg room from the home?! WHAT?!

God, you’re such a twat sometimes.

=/

-Abbie

Framing Hanley - Home

Insecurities beyond the hotel lobby
While I’m forced to call this a home without you
So let’s keep this conversation lingering on
Don’t say goodnight, not while I am

Gone
This will be a long, long ride
And I’ll be dreaming of coming
Home
And when you are alone tonight
I’ll be writing you another song

I’m gone
This will be a long, long ride
Long ride
I’m dreaming of coming
Home, Home, Home
I’m writing you another song

Subzero temps ease, Mich. digs out, 1 killed

by The Associated Press

Sunday January 18, 2009, 12:50 PM

TWIN LAKE, Mich. - Warmer weather has arrived in Michigan after a week of Arctic cold and a storm that brought up to 15 inches of snow and caused a fatal car crash.

The Allegan County sheriff’s department says 20-year-old Mikita Jones of Holland was killed in a two-vehicle crash on snowy Michigan 40 about 10:30 p.m. Saturday. WWJ-AM says state police closed Interstate 75 in southern Genesee County for about an hour Sunday morning because of multiple crashes.

Copper Harbor was the state’s 8 a.m. hot spot at 23 degrees, while Grayling was the cold spot at minus 5.

Light snow was falling in much of the state Sunday, the tail end of a storm that brought 15 inches of snow to Twin Lake near Muskegon. The National Weather Service says Bay City got 7.1 inches.

…Mikita, rest in peace.

I dunno, just felt like titling it as such. Then again, I am a wee bit stressed. So here’s one of those things where I state what’s on my mind, and yes, I understand some of this may seem passive aggressive, and I’m admitting to that right now.

-Where is this going, I’m feeling very comfortable in this part of life, or whatever you want to call it. I’d like to be a little more than what I am now to you, if you obviously haven’t guessed, and I really enjoy the time I spend with you. You’re an amazing person, and you like my company, which makes me feel special,

-Why do you have to be such an ass, Mike? Really? I did a freakin’ meme, where does calling someone an idiot even seem remotely appropriate? Oh, wait, I’m sorry. Is it because I didn’t care enough for you when you were coming home? You fail to remember that while I respect you enough to treat you civilly, you shit on a very close friend of mine, and hurt her very bad. Don’t expect me to be nice anymore, not after the sudden jolt off asshole-itis you just randomly spewed out today.

-I have a migraine, two capsules of ibuprofen later, and this headache is still breaking me to pieces inside. Augh augh augh.

-I love my friends, but I feel distant as hell, and maybe that’s best for now. Really, because I’m just caught up in this isolated mess of thoughts and decisions, and maybe being alone right now is best.

Uhm, what else. Oh, right, leave me alone <3

EDIT:

Abbie should NOT be allowed to run in the house, no matter the circumstances. I went to let the puppy in (because I am a horrible person, and forgot her outside for an hour tops…guys, it’s cold here) so in my feeling like a completely horrible person, I went to run and fetch her. I caught the cord to my headphones, in which nothing bad happened to them or the cord, tripped, and took a complete spill. In this spill, I broke three toes (they instantly swelled up and turned black and blue…and hurt but at the same time are completely numb), then somehow managed to land on my left side and hurt every joint possible.

The puppy is in and warm, however, so win!

but owowow.

Hello, this is my very first post here.

I’m Abigail, I’ll be 21 in 11 days, and am a waitress. I have a somewhat exciting life, and it can be mildly stressful at times, but I enjoy the bits that are more than that.

I love music, writing, being out and about with my friends. I love to chat on msn, aim, whatever, and most of all, I love to sing.

I bite, and I have a back bone. I will tell you off if I think you’re offending me, and no, trying to save your hide when you know you’ve fucked up is not the best idea.

This website, this blog, and everything that is a part of it is a personal place. Possibly a portfolio, but for now, just a place for me to write, get things out, etc.

Welcome to my little “Corner” so to speak.

<3
Abbie